St. Joseph of the Lakes

Many years ago, as my older sister was living out her independence from parental expectations, she decided to host Thanksgiving dinner. She prepared a wonderful roast beef dinner with all the right trimmings (including popovers) for that type of meal. Walking into her house one was greeted with the delicious aroma of the roasting beef and the side dishes. My father, on entering the house, asked “where is the turkey?” To which my sister replied, “We are trying something different this year.” My father turned around and taking mom with him; left and went to a local restaurant where he could enjoy what he expected on Thanksgiving Day: turkey, dressing, mashed potatoes and gravy. My sister seemed unaffected that day as we enjoyed the roast beef, but we never had roast beef on Thanksgiving again.

This memory arises as I receive a “save the date” card from my niece as she announces her wedding day in October. My brother and his wife raised their children as Catholics but on this great event (the first wedding in this family) she has decided to get married independently of the Catholic Church. I love my niece and I am happy for her. I think she has found a wonderful man to be her spouse. I wouldn’t miss this big day in her life as she steps into her own expression of independence. I am not quite as emphatic as my father was in keeping traditions, but I find her choice of venue to be sadly disturbing. In a different age I would have been bound not to go since she was not conforming to the Catholic expectations placed on her at baptism. I am grateful that we have grown enough as a faith community that we can act in love towards our brothers and sisters even when they are choosing not to embrace what we as a community hold dear. I want what is best for my niece, but I know it is her journey to discover this, not for me to dictate it.

In the last couple of weeks, I have had several conversations with parents who are troubled by their child’s choice of wedding venues. They each are seeking to be unique thus they are all being married in barns (the current marriage fad). I have never read these acts as rebellion, instead it always strikes me as an act of independence. Grace happens even in these moments, and I live in the hope that once they discover that they really are independent, they will find themselves moved to express the love of God in their marriage through the sacrament of the Church.